Surrendering

This past year has been a waiting period for me and I can't tell you how much frustration it brought me. I have been stubborn and not willing to give up the security of a job with a consistent paycheck. I felt obligated to follow what society says is responsible. "Have a career and financial independence." I demanded that the Lord provide a secure answer to my future before I resign my job. Africa was on hold for the indefinite future, and I met closed doors when applying for different jobs here in Omaha. Last week I clearly understood that the Lord was wanting me to simply surrender. The Lord doesn't ask for our conditional trust. He asks for all of it. So I resigned my job with no clear vision of what the future would hold. 
The next day I was blown away! Doris, from the orphanage in Haiti, returned my email stating that even when I had left in February she knew I would be returning and was planning on it. She needs a Nurse to run the clinic and someone to oversee the baby dorm. She wouldn't be ready for me till June or July, so that left two months of gap.The following day I received an update from my church in Cedar Rapids Iowa that they are moving buildings and their children's director had resigned. They would love extra help for the summer months. 
In a message this past week Pastor Jason mentioned being ruined by Christ! I realized that's partly why I have been fighting and struggling so much. Christ has ruined me for anything ordinary. When I tried to give up on what he had called me to do I found myself without hope. I don't want an ordinary life, I will not live quietly in a box. I will be faithful where God has me, but I also think Christ gives me the power to choose. I choose to believe that beyond my weakness and sinful nature Christ can still do powerful things. It is by HIS grace that I am where I am.